Fun with Socially Awkward Moments

My friend gets married. Now it should not be a big deal that I am invited to the reception. In a room full of dog owners or science geeks, I'm cool as a cuke.  But when it's just some regular, average folks, I  reach the pinnacle of social awkwardness in a nanosecond. My friend knows me well and says she understands if I can't  bring myself to attend. In the interest of being a good friend, I force myself to put on nice clothing and go. I hate nice clothing.  I invite a mutual friend to join me and she agrees.

When I arrive at the restaurant, I see the happy couple greeting guests.  I congratulate them briefly and then head back into the reception room where I fail to find an empty chair.  I stand there in the middle, surveying a room full of old people, like a nervous hare assessing escape routes. There is only one way out and it is the way I came in.

I hustle back to the front of the restaurant and drop anxiously into a booth. I grab my phone knowing that text-ing could squelch my anxiety. Let's see... who can I text? Who can I tell that I am dangerously close hyperventilating?

"Hi", says the server, "Can I get you anything? Are you with the wedding party?"

"Yes," I say becoming too honest. "I hate these things. My socially awkward state is escalating. I just had to get out of there where I can send some texts or inhale oxygen."

"Oh no problem," she says," I get it. My boyfriend is the same. He hates social gatherings and he gets all sweaty. Let me get you something for that."

"Great," I say ," a Diet Coke with a little something."

When the drink arrives I slam it. Mistake! It is all rum with just enough Coke to hide that fact.
I almost cough it up back up.

About half  way through the drink, my friend arrives.Whew! Not alone!  We head for the buffet which is pretty well picked over. We glean a few scraps and find a space on the fringe to stand with our plates. We chat. Toasts are given, cake is eaten.  I am done.

I hope her marriage lasts because I am not going to her wedding again. Seriously! Not going again. \

Peace! lw