Once You Know

I spent last weekend at the Landmark Forum. Now if you aren't familiar with Landmark you can
Google it and get all kinds of information. It's not a cult.......I swear.

How I got talked into attending this thing is a long and kinda boring story. I'll just say that someone came into my life who saw something in me that I couldn't see and she reached out to me. At first I could not wrap my head around why she would do that, but after I sat through the Forum, I got it.

It was a roller coaster ride for sure. In fact the Forum leader guarantees it will be.When I first got there I was less than excited, trepidatious even, unsure of the purpose. I morphed into my usual reticent wall hugging self, lurking about with my judgements and opinions. Muttering my complaints among the other socially challenged attendees, who agreed with me that we were all a little uncomfortable. But for some reason, I trusted my friend who had led me here that the outcome would be worth it. So even though I thought I might not go back for Saturday, I got over it and went back anyway.

Now you are probably asking yourself what the outcome was. I wish I could explain it and I can't really. It's something that you have to "be", that you have to "get".  What I can tell you is that there has been a shift in my thinking. The voices in my head are still there but some of them are actually making sense, revealing to me the world's untruths. I have also become acutely aware of my own integrity. It's hard to notice all those tiny little lies we tell. Since the Forum I notice them all! And I hate it and I know I can't go back.

Once I know something, I can't go back to not knowing. I can pretend I don't know, but I still know what I know. I know my life comes down to actions vs. reactions, truth vs. lie, integrity vs. division. It is what it is. Can't go back and don't really want to.

If you ever have the opportunity to ride the Landmark roller coaster.......... do it!