The Tunnel of Uncertainty

Change…. just thinking about it makes me want to spit.  The older I get, the harder it is to let go and move forward.  Whether a change is forced by circumstance or chosen, the common product is uncertainty.  Will it all work out or will I suffer and die? (I know I am being dramatic.)

Big changes are like walking into a long dark tunnel. My assumptions keep me from moving forward since I have already (very dramatically) determined that what’s in the tunnel isn’t good for me.  I cling to my assumption as a lantern in the darkness. Will I encounter a fiery dragon, a cursed treasure, or be forced to slay my own demons like Luke Skywalker in the old tree? Yoda understood about the uncertainty of a dark unknown place and, despite his knowledge, he saw its usefulness in training Luke to acknowledge his fear and face it all while Luke claimed he was “not afraid.” Unlike Luke, I have no problem shouting out to the world that the tunnel is scary. 

In the face of an important change, I am challenging my assumption and requiring myself to believe that the tunnel is a passage to another place , that it doesn't house killer beasts, and that if I can muster the courage to go forward I will see the light at the end. Can changing my assumption change my experience? I am finding that, if nothing else, the new assumption makes me a little more willing to move along. Willingness doesn’t quash the fact that change carries a truck load of uncertainty that I can't do much about. 

Carly Simon had it right when she sang, " We can never know about the days to come, But we think about them anyway." So dwelling on it is pointless and what IS certain is that I will do it anyway. Human nature compels me to think ahead .......... even when it's not in my best interest. 

Excuse me now, while I go spit! 

I've had this drawing folded up in my sketch book for a while. 

lw